Willing Terror (Part 1)

Willing Terror

My choice

For as long as I can remember these events were out of my control. Like I have said before I do not really look into these events I let others make their conclusions. Well a reason I do not look into this stuff is I feel like ignoring it is like a dam, holding everything back. I have a strong feeling that if I did open up to the paranormal or ghosts, whatever you want to call it, it would all rush in. I have eerie feeling that I would be seeing, hearing and experiencing way more than the little bit I deal with now. I do not have any interest in contacting anything out of this world, and I feel like I may have the ability and really don't want it. Its like the little bit that I feel, like when I cannot be alone because I feel like someone is watching me, or when I am going to sleep and I hear screams sometimes that shoot me out of sleep. I feel like these are just the little bit coming through the cracks of my so called dam. Wether these are good spirits or not, I really do not want anything to do with the so called paranormal, if you believe in it or not. I still find the whole concept fascinating don't get me wrong, but I wish that thats just what it was stories and videos, for me personally. I thought it was appropriate to start off that way because this blog is about how I did indulge in the whole sleep paralysis thing once. I will never do that again. This is the first time I found out I had the ability to put myself into sleep paralysis. 

We were staying at my dads for while. I was trying to save money to get our own apartment and be on our own. We were there probably about a month or so. We didn't have internet or anything, I didn't have wifi or my video games so all my usual daily distractions were gone. I decided to try to make new distractions which was a bad idea. I started reading and learning about the whole paranormal realm, I decided that something that fascinated me would be a good way to pass the time and I would learn something new in the mean time. Well I started to play with the notion that this was real, the whole spirit plane and psychics and being able to communicate with the spirits was an actual possible thing. When I came across something explaining how to astro project. Basically out of body experiences, well on this one article it explained a few steps on how to achieve and control your dreams. You can fly on command and the dream world around you is up to your manipulation, lucid dreaming they called it. Well of course this sounded really cool so I started to think about this all day. 

Night came fairly quick it was my day off so I had just spent the day with the family. We made our beds on the living room floor, thats where we were sleeping for the time being. I had almost forgot about this whole control your dreams thing, until I started to fall asleep I was drifting in and out of consciousness when I saw what looked like black vines start going up the wall behind the tv that was in the living room. It kinda shocked me cause I stood up and focus more on the wall and it was gone. Stupid shadows I told myself and just laughed at my self for being startled of innocent shadows I thought were coming from the little slits of light breaking through the blinds. Well I am fully awake now since the startle got a little bit of adrenaline going through me and I decide to play on my phone which was a desperate move on my part because with no wifi and just cell service it was slow as  fuck. I unlock my phone and the first thing that pops up is that article I was reading about lucid dreaming, which I found strange. I did not recall leaving the article up or even reading it for a couple of hours. Anyways I was bored, no one else was up, my girlfriend was asleep next to me and my two kids were sleeping on the couch next to us. I looked at the article and said what the hell lets try this shit. So determined to control my own dreams, I began.

So I began to read the instructions and did as they said. I laid on my back with arms on my side. Started to take deep breaths in and out, laying there motionless. I started to feel like an itch everywhere on my body, it wasn't all at once just various different parts, like a little itch on my elbow or knee, then thigh. The article said this would happen, I guess it was the bodies way of seeing if I was really asleep or some shit like that. The article said to fight to urge to scratch the itch and it would slowly go away. I was laying for about 30 min just still and I started feeling stupid for trying it. I decided to give up and get comfortable to sleep and decided that I would still try the other steps it described. The article stated once you were sleeping or dreaming to try and look at your hands. Whatever you were doing to look down or bring your hands up to your face and this would enable you to be able to control your dreams, and that they would become extremely vivid. So I began to drift into sleep, I dreamt for a while until all of a sudden I started hearing myself like an echo, “look at your hands” over and over again. Until my hands started to slowly raise and as soon as I seen my hands everything just swooshed into clarity in a snap. It was no longer the normal fuzzy dreams I mostly have, everything was really vivd, clear and kind of real. This all happened in what felt like a second. What happened directly after that is what still weirds me out.

As soon as my hands come into focus and everything just clicked clear. I heard what sounded like a really low growl, I know it seems a little over played or cliche but thats I heard I mean I was still dreaming so I guess anything was possible. Any way I heard something like that and then for just an instant these pair of red eyes came into focus, as I saw them my hands became see through kinda foggy exposing these eyes more.  I wasn't scared or anything it happened so fast I didn't really have time to react or anything its just something that I remember and I started slowly being able to I guess tell myself what to do in my dreams. This went on for the rest of the night until I woke up in the morning. 

That day was pretty normal, I remember being really tired at night after work and all that, but it was to the point of exhaustion. The more I laid in bed the more I felt like I was being drained. I went to sleep quickly I don’t know how long it was into my deep sleep when I started experiencing the feeling I always get before going into sleep paralysis. Its a very difficult feeling to describe but it starts, for me, in the back of my head its kind of like a pulsating feeling like a light headedness but just in the back of your head, it travels down my spine until it envelopes me. Sometimes its so quick I do not even realize I am in it until I try to move. As soon as this feeling got a hold of me I knew what was coming so I decided to play with it a little I woke up and it was dark everyone was still asleep. So I laid there  and tried to recreate the feeling and It started really faintly but it grew as I concentrated more. I had the whole image of what I was facing though this whole time and then all of a sudden I felt my whole body tingling and as soon as that happened I knew I was not going to be able to move pretty soon but I knew I was asleep already, I don't know if that makes sense. I raised my hands to see them and I couldn’t, shit I said, did I wait too long to try it. I tried again with my left hand since I was laying down on my right arm with my hand turned down so I could see my wrist. I was still in the living room facing the wall and thats all I could see. So I tried again to put my hand up so I could see it and turn my right hand so that I was facing the palms of my hands, but again couldn’t, I was about to give up and hold my breath to snap out of it, but I noticed a pressure on my wrist. I tried so hard to look behind me but couldn’t. I tried to to move my arm again, and as I tried to raise it I again felt the pressure. “What the fuck is that” I told myself I have never felt anything like that before. One last time, with everything I had I tried pulling my hand up and it would just budge a little, I looked down as far as I could with just my eyes since I couldn't move my head, and then I saw it, just a glimpse, but I fucking saw it. Wrapped around my wrist was a hand, seeing it I could now feel the individual fingers on my wrist, I was freaking out kind of panicking I….could feel it. It wasn't big enough to be an adults hand but it was little like a kids hand or medium I guess. Once I saw it I started shaking and yelling and the intense vibration or tingling feeling just devoured me, more powerful than I have ever felt. I yelled “Let Go!” and in that second just like that the tingling stopped and everything went quiet. The ringing noise that came with the vibration subsided and out of the calm soothing silence I hear a raspy but sorta high pitched voice whisper “no”. I flinched and was more terrified than ever. I calmed down and again in my head yelled “leave me alone”, again everything went quiet  and I waited like prey at the mercy of the hunter. Nothing, not a whisper or feeling, nothing, I was relieved but still in the sleep paralysis episode. I still couldn't move so I tried calming down and started thinking about other things until eventually I just started dreaming. It was normal dreams I was flying or some generic shit like that. I felt the tingly feeling and without thinking about it I raised my hands and looked directly at them and just like that the scene that I was dreaming about looked liked it got ripped apart, like it was some background made of paper, and my dads living room came into focus. 

To Be Continued….. 

Ill end it here ladies and gentlemen I don’t really like having my blogs be too long just for the sake of someone losing interest because of it being too long. The 2nd half will be a lot shorter, but its the most terrifying thing I have experienced so keep an eye out for it tomorrow. Thank you for reading if you enjoy it please share with friends or Family. Thank you for giving it a read everybody, I will continue this one tomorrow.