Stress Opens Something

Twisted Mind

      

    I had recently been employed at a new job, it was something I had always been interested in for a while. I had no idea the stress that it would cause. When I started it was all fine and I was going by ok. The only thing that I needed to get used to was the sleep schedule. I had been accustomed to working in the afternoon, so a morning job was something I never was fond of but I thought change would be a good thing. It was exciting at first I had new job jitters and anxiety nothing out of the normal. Move forward, I became some what comfortable with the job and I was enjoying it. The stress began about a month in and it was devastating. Work changed a lot and the pressure that was being put on me was unreal. I began to get really bad anxiety, to where I couldn't enjoy myself or enjoy my off time because when I wasn't at work I was dreading the fact that I would be going back in the hours to come. After weeks of anxiety the depression kicked in, I'm talking about deep depression. I have always been a happy guy, always "looking on the bright side of things" kind of person. Never had I really felt any true kind of anxiety or depression in my life. I was going down pretty fast, and things around me started changing negatively.

   

   It all started with little things, we started noticing that items were not where we had left it. It wasn't like stuff was found in places where our kids could take our things and put, most of this happened when no one was in the house or everyone was asleep.  They were just in places that did not make sense. For example, I had come home from work one day and put my uniform pants on the bed as I was getting ready to take a shower. When I had finished the pants were gone and I didn't think anything of it I just thought my girlfriend had taken them. Fast forward to later that evening, she informed me that she was doing laundry and wanted my work pants. I stated that they were placed on the bed before my shower and when I had come out they were gone. If she hadn't take them we assumed it was the kids so we looked everywhere, including their room. So we finally gave up and I had to use my other pair of pants. While at work my girlfriend texts me saying she found the pants, and asked if I was fucking around with her. I said no that I didn't know what she was talking about. Ok off topic real quick, we have a baby crib next to our bed that we don't use, it is more like storage for other things; this thing is full, higher than the brim with miscellaneous stuff. Well turns out that the pants we were looking for were at the very bottom of that crib. Like the very bottom of all the shit we had in there, a place our kids could not get to fast enough, a place that we would have never looked, and if it wasn't for her cleaning we probably would have never found them. Another little weird event was the problem with my cell phone. I left my phone on my desk to say good bye to my girlfriend she was taking the kids over to grandmas. In returning to my desk I forgot about my phone and proceeded to go on about my day not caring at all about it. mostly playing video games or reading books it was a while since I had heard it go off and its unusual since I have notifications all the time from apps, e-mails, calls, texts etc. but nothing. So I walk over and pick it up and try to turn it on and see if the sound was off, and it won't turn on. I thought the battery had died so I plugged it up and nothing. It wouldn't even light up to tell me that it was charging. I dreaded thinking that this was it and that my phone had just stopped working. I played with the cable a little to make sure it hadn't gone bad, and nothing. I was getting frustrated and was about to just toss the phone when I decided to check the battery. The back of my phone doesn't have any where you can pry it open so you just have to mess with it and force it open. It is difficult to get it off and on so I never really mess with the battery or anything inside. I finally get it off and I just stare at it in shock and kinda have a "what the fuck?" look on my face. My battery was flipped and turned upside down, I slowly pulled out like it anticipating to come alive and bite me. I fixed it and snapped the back on and pushed the power button, it turned on just fine. All my notification came rushing in at once and the phone was fine. This really weirded me out since I couldn't find an explanation for it. I texted my girlfriend asking her why she was messing with my battery but she was clueless never touched my phone let alone open it move the battery and snap the cover back on. When I told her about it she made a point that she was experiencing stuff not being where she had placed them when she was home as well. We talked about it more and realized that all this shit started happening when I started the new job. This all was just minor things that we would notice. The event that really got me to quit was something I really can't explain.

   

   Nothing unusual happened on this day, it was normal. We all went to sleep. While I was asleep I didn't really have sleep paralysis this felt like normal dream until later. In the dream I was running down what seemed to be a hotel hallway, it looked like a long hallway with a number of doors on either side. I was running away from this blackness that was engulfing the end of the hallway getting closer to me the faster I ran. The black did not have any weird characteristics to it, it just looked like pitch darkness, like the hallway was disappearing into nothing. I looked ahead and there was a these double doors that I was running towards. When I was about to reach it flames started coming out of the doors and started covering everything. I looked behind me and all I could see was fire flames all around me. I opened one of the room doors on the side and ran through it, still everything on fire. I ran past the two beds and slammed against a wall, I had nowhere to go, this was it, I was going to burn alive right here. When I felt the flames getting hotter I was awaken by very loud noise and light. I was extremely disorientated when I woke up. The loud sound was my smoke detecter going off, I live in an apartment we have the smoke and bright strobe light go off at the same time. The split second I wake up I look out into the living and I swear on everything that I see smoke. I yell my girlfriends name and run towards our kids bedroom which is directly on the other side of the living room. While I'm running I stop and notice there is no smoke at all, I am standing there and the fire alarm and strobe lights are still going. When I realize theres nothing there the lights and alarm turn off. I am standing there feeling like an idiot, my girlfriend comes out freaking out telling me whats wrong I tell her that I saw smoke, but there was nothing there. I felt really stupid after I was just standing there shaking, not because I was afraid it was just all the adrenaline shooting through my every limb.  

these are the smoke detectors in my apartment 

   There was absolutely nothing that could have set those off. It was around 3:00 in the morning and there was nothing around. They had never gone off on their own before and it hasn't happened again till this day, weeks later. I decided that this wasn't the right job for me, the money was good but not at the cost of losing my sanity. When I finally quit and started looking for a new job, I felt like I had changed, my girlfriend said she had the old me back and what I was turning into while having that job was something she didn't like. I was filling out a job application and it asked the usual, to list my previous employer and the start and end dates. I was at this job for 5 months, my head was spinning and I was just in shock of how long I was there. It literally felt like I was just there for a couple of weeks. I was just a shell, just going about everyday filled with anxiety and depression. I felt like I must have been on some kind of auto pilot not really paying attention to anything else in my life and indulging in everything negative about my feelings. It just amazed me how much time had gone by without me even realizing it, blocked by wall of negativity and darkness. I couldn't enjoy anything, everything around me felt bland and boring, I started to detest having to wake up, started feeling like the things I really enjoyed before were just a nuisances in my life.

   I am happy that I left and slowly started becoming myself again. This may be nothing compared to what some people go through with depression but it was a new low in my life, and I am sorry to whoever feels likes this on a daily basis and feels like theres no outlet. Maybe something needs to be changed in your life. All I want to say is that when I was in so much negativity and despair something might have opened. I don't know if it was inside me, if I was causing all the weird shit to happen but all the weird stuff has stopped and nothing has happened since I left. 

   Thank you for reading if you have any questions or if anything similar to this has happened please contact me I would love to hear your story, I can be contacted on the hang outs app. Share, read and love.  I really appreciate you taking the time to read my blog have a great day or great night depending on when your reading this. 

Email- daniel.alv.602@gmail.com

Kik- danny.alv.602